17

...number of days that wonder boy has been going to school.

And today, day 18, he decides to hang on to my leg like a chimpanzee who just found his mommy chimpanzee for the first time in 20 chimpanzee years. It took me and his teacher and our 4 hands/arms to peel him off of my numbing leg.

I dashed to the door as soon as he got peeled off, and I knew I shouldn't have looked back, but I did! He looked at me with his eyes saying.... "mommy, i hate you for leaving me here... i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!" and he started to cry. And as I exited the door, the cry got louder and LOUDER!

I ran to my car and burst into tears. Should I go back? Should I take him home? What's wrong with this place? What is he not liking about it? He was fine yesterday, what's the difference between then and now?

The thing is, he was skipping and hopping and singing from the car to his classroom, then suddenly, he morphed into a shy, scared, and anti-social chimpanzee.

Most mommies I know re-assures me that it's only a matter of time, and that their child took 2 long months of balling and crying every drop-off before they finally got the hang of it. I really thought I was one of those lucky ones who'll never have to experience this feeling. THIS feeling of utter guilt and helplessness.

But I'm feeling it.

And it sucks!