Baby Clothes

I must've spent half a day this past weekend cleaning out the boys' room. Piles and piles of laundry stacked up on the bed, piles that I've been ignoring for a good two weeks or so. There I was, sitting in the middle of my son's day bed, almost lost in the piles, when it suddenly occurred to me, why oh why, have I been trying to shove this chore aside.

Besides that I'm lazy and I'm tired all the time.

I've been just trying to push it aside, because, I hate-hate-hate putting away baby clothes. And I don't mean putting away the clothes into their specific drawers. I meant putting AWAY baby clothes in boxes, to be given away, or shipped away, never ever to be seen again.

Hubby and I are in total complete agreement with the fact that we are done having babies. And so far, we've been able to put away stuff - the bassinet, the crib, and sometime this week, the infant carseat - without me shedding a single tear.

But the clothes, the baby clothes, it's a whole different territory.

I quickly went through the newborn, 0-3, 3-6, 6 months, 9 months, and now that he's almost outgrowing his 12 month-size clothing, it is hitting me hard. My baby, my not so little tiny baby, has quickly grown out of infancy. And now that he's growing teeth, crawling, and standing, and trying so hard to take a step, I just want to scoop him up in my arms, and let him fall asleep on my chest, like when he first came home with us, not so long ago.

You see, with wonder boy, I was excited about every new milestone up ahead, excited about the newer, bigger, cuter clothes, with dinosaurs and cars and trucks for big boys. But this time around, with wonder baby, I just want him to stay little for as long as he could. His baby breath, his chubby arms and hands, his thunder thighs, his baby side burns, his baby powdery scent that sometimes gives me chills down my spine.

I want it.

And I'm holding on to it.

Although I know that his babiness is not going to be here forever. One day, sooner than later, he's going to walk, talk, and have a mind of his own.

He's not just going to walk, but he will probably run away from me and I will have to chase him sometimes. He's not just going to talk, but one day, he's also going to talk back to me, and it will pierce my heart. He's not only going to have a mind of his own, but he's going to make some decisions that will be against mine, and I will have to let him learn his own lessons, even if it eats me up alive.

One day.

Someday.

But not today.

Because today, I will hang on to the little baby clothes, even if it means, cluttering his drawers, and closet, and the laundry hampers. Even if it means, it's going to take me an extra 2 minutes just to figure out what to put on him or which ones actually fit him now. Even if it means that some days, I'm going to get irritated because why oh why can't I shut his drawer closed, and in the midst of being upset with myself, I will probably forget and wonder why didn't I put the small clothes away in the first place!

Yes, even if it means all of that.

His baby clothes.....they're mine, and i want it, and I'm holding on to it.

. . .