Another Irony

So if you live with me, every now and then you will hear me bitching about not having enough ME time or ALONE time.

And so today I decided to work from home because I have the nastiest cold ever.

Wonder baby left with the hubs and just shortly after, I dropped off wonder boy to school.

And now, here I am, all alone, in this super quiet house. Aside from the fact that I feel like crap, I should still be in a celebratory mode because it is a very very RARE event that I get the house all to myself, all day long!

And yet, I feel so lonely!

I miss my boys.

The quiet is deafening.

What is the matter with me?!?!?!?

Maybe it's a really bad flu.

Or maybe, it's just is - life is full of irony!

So the next time I have to bitch about not having time for myself, I might just have to remember this moment, and sssssush.

. . .

THE Concert - NKOTB

More pictures HERE

New Kids on the Block reunion concert.

I cannot even believe that here I am, 20 years later, and found myself screaming my heart out for the fabulous 5! Oh, how I loved seeing Joey McIntyre!!!!

Even more, how I loved feeling like a 13-yr old all over again. How free, how easy, how simple life was back then - no bills, no kids, nobody to worry about except for me and the NKOTB posters in my room.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to rewind and do it all over again. I just loved the flashbacks it gave me. I love my kids more than anything in this world, and although I hate hate hate doing the bills, I am thankful that I have a job that pays the bills, the same job which helped me get up in the penthouse suite to begin with!

What is it?

My friend does it 5 times a week.

I'd like to do it that many times too, but with work, school, and little rugrats, I'm now only capable of doing it 3 times a week.

It's hot and sweaty and sometimes steamy. In the end, we need our towels to clean up.

And sometimes, when we've had just about enough of, we say words that we shouldn't say. like - shit. fuck. & oh god.

It's physical, and sometimes maybe even emotional. But it's definitely good for the heart, body, and soul.

What is it?

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It's kickboxing!

And we ♥ it so!

Shame on you and your dirty mind!!!!

. . .

To clean or not to clean

That is the question.

After having kids, I realized that I'm borderline type-A. So there are some things in my life that needs to be in place... such as routines and to-do-lists.

The other day, a co-worker/friend, gave me an advice, which I took to the heart. She said

If you really, truly, want to keep a balanced life, and want to spend
quality time with your kids, stop cleaning the house!

When I first heard it, I thought, seriously? seriously?!! Not that my house is sparkly clean at all times, but for the most part, to keep my sanity, I like to keep things organized, dishes washed, floor mopped, and carpet vacuumed. Now laundry, laundry is a whole other story, which I will not go there now.

Point being... so often, I rant and I rant about my to-do-lists and all the things I have to do and why oh why do I have so much on my plate. And in reality, I can easily scoot some of the stuff aside.

Easier said than done of course.

But today, I said, what the heck, what's there to lose.

So instead of cooking dinner, and doing the dishes, and sorting the laundry and whatever else I had on my monday afternoon schedule.... I took my boys to the playground.

And I am so glad I did!

Wonder baby got to go on his first swing ride. And as we walked all the way home, wonder boy kept thanking me for taking them to the park!

In the end, I realized, there is definitely nothing wrong with the dishes piled up in the sink, or the occasional take-out dinners. Because when these two boys grow up (and they're going to grow up fast!), they're not going to remember how clean their house was, or how often did mommy cook dinner for them... they're going to remember days like this... walking to the park, and riding on the swing.

And for me, that a darn good enough reason to live in a not-so clean house!

Sleep is for the Weak: the good, the bad, and the ugly!

THE GOOD: I received my copy yesterday in the mail. As you know, I have a blog, and I like to occasionally read other people's blogs, but I've never been an avid follower of any one particular blog. But this book..... I have to say..... I LOVE IT! I'm only halfway through, and will probably be done by tonight. I laughed, I cried, cracked-up, and cried some more! Everything that I ever felt, but never really knew how to say, has been written (for me!), thank God I wasn't the only one thinking and feeling that way, and no longer have to question my sanity ; )

THE BAD: I skipped doing my homework last night because I couldn't put the book down.

and

THE UGLY: I have since developed a sudden state of writer's block because everything that I ever wanted to write about, has been written. So, now, how do I go on with my blog, without looking like a plagiarizer (is that even a word?)

. . .

Weekends - then & now

When I got on my computer this morning, I told myself that I needed to make a blog entry today. But then I didn't know what to write about, so I thought I should write about my weekend. But then I thought how uneventful my weekend was and thought, hm, how do I even begin to validate my uneventfulness!

To make a long story short, one thought led to another, until I caught myself thinking of how my weekends were, back in the days... or should I say, back in the hay days of pre-mommyhood!

I remember when weekends were....

- about going to the movies....we used to think that 11:30 pm was too early to go home, so hubby and i would catch another movie (after we just finished watching one!)

- about finding another reason to throw a party....our house used to be party central, people came over on Friday nights after work, and sometimes, they stayed until Sunday!

- about drinking and drinking some more.....I used to drink and get drunk like it was my last day on earth!

- about carefree travelling..... taking off to go out of town did not need early planning nor any kind of reservations.

- about extreme adventures and feeling invincible..... snowboarding day trips, jumping off the bridge (and drowning - lol!) and wanting to sky dive and bungee jump!

- about shopping.... and I don't mean for groceries and diapers and car seats (which by the way, we spent last saturday buying 1 carseat for baby boy and 2 booster seats for toddler wonder).... i meant shopping and spending my whole paycheck on shoes, clothes, and cigarettes!

and most importantly....

- about SLEEP and SLEEPING-IN!!!! boy, did I looooove to sleep, and how much i've forgotten what it's like to get a full 8-hr plus of sleep (um, it's been over 7 months since my last uninterrupted sleep).

I could go on and on and on about how my weekends used to be. And now, it's usually just busy, sleep-deprived, and pretty much spent doing laundry, chores, and more laundry.

(SIGH!)

I have to admit, I sometimes miss the reckless and carefree days of irresponsibility, but honestly, I would rather be doing laundry...

....because look who I get to do them with:

Day 3

of our new routine and I am ready to crack!

So yesterday I posted my venting blog. Besides my earlier issues, I think I am too worried about too many things all the time. I always hear people say that motherhood is a full time job. Hm, a full time job (usually) requires 40 hours a week. Being mommy requires all day, all night, and then some.

Just to give a little insight of my day, the typical day starts and ends like this:

6:00 - wonder baby wakes up waaaaaayyyyy too early than I want him to, and because the master's bedroom is now a family room, wonder boy is in there too, therefore, gets awaken by the baby cooos.

6:30 - jump in the shower (yey! alone time at last!), and get semi-ready

7:00 - wonder boy watching TV, wonder baby rolling on the floor, and me making or thinking what's to eat for breakfast

7:15 - 7:30 - hubby leaves for work, and on W, Th, F, takes wonder baby to my parents house.

7:30 - 8:15 - finish getting ready, eating breakfast, on M & T mom-in-law comes over to watch the baby

8:20 - leave the house to take wonder boy to school, then drive to work (sigh! morning rush is finally through)... driving time is usually spent catching up on the phone with my bff so we can gossip and vent about the previous days' events

9:00 - 1:00 - WORK.... believe it or not, it is my sanctuary - away from the crazy, busy, madness

1:00 - W, Th, F - drive to pick up the baby from my parents' house

1:30 - 2:30 - an hour to drive, run a quick errand, then pick up wonder boy from school

2:30ish - arrive at home, usually with 2 cranky boys who are either hungry/sleepy or both

3:00 - 5:00 - boys finally get out of their crankiness, i tickle a kili-kili or two, play little piggies, and roll on the floor with my babies. Maybe i can relax a bit, oh wait, now it's time to cook dinner, do the dishes, and maybe because i'm so ambitious, throw in a load (or two) of laundry since the boys room is just about ready to throw up with clothes that either need to get sorted, folded, washed, put away, or boxed!

5:00 - 6ish - eat my dinner while tending to either of the boys in between bites. Usually consists of sounds of either crying or whining or my yelling or mommy this and mommy that.

6:30ish - hubby arrives home from work, and maybe, just maybe i can find a little time to just be alone while i get ready to work out.

Oh yeah, i forgot, "alone" is not a word that i recognize at home, because everywhere i go, even the bathroom, i get stalked (because momma's boy number one will realize that i suddenly disappeared out of his peripheral view, and looks for me in our not-so-big house as if i ditched him in purpose. So as if we were playing hide and go seek, he happily seeks me in the bathroom and asks me if i need help with the toilet paper - - at least he's helpful!)

7:00 - 8ish - out to my kickboxing class! finally! no thinking allowed here - just kicking and punching (and i'd like to keep it that way)

8:00 - 9:30 - another RUSH of madness as the boys are fed, showered, & put to bed.

9:30 - 11:00 - maybe now i can relax, oh wait, i still have dishes to do, lunch box/back pack/diaper bag to pack, and milk bottles to make and just after i'm done with that, i have to put in about an hour of work running a report and checking emails

11:00 - by this time, I am waaaay too tired to even relax, or speak to my husband, i head off to bed, but not to sleep right away because by this time, i start worrying about tomorrow, and how i can fit even more stuff

*****like the bills i have to pay, the checking account that i need to balance, the never ending story of laundry, vacuuming, and mopping, the invitations that i volunteered to make, the package that i promised to send, the haircut/pedicure/waxing that i will probably never get done because, that alone, requires special planning and strategy....the swimming lessons that's about to restart in two weeks, the online course that i signed up for, which is about to start next week...the leaky tire on my car, which by the way needs an oil change and a tune up...oh yeah, i probably also have to go on ebay too to pick up some more formula for the baby, which by the way, i forgot to check the pantry how many more cans are left!*****

on my already full day...... and tomorrow, it starts all over again!

But before it starts all over again, i get awakened by the baby waiting for feeding or patting or just cuddling about 3 to 4 times a night, so really, by the time i really really fall asleep, and fall asleep again in between the times i wake up 3 or 4 times, i probably guestimately sleep an average of 5 hours a night.


Like i said, i am exhausted and ready to crack. BUT right when i'm just about to cry and blow-up.... i look at these two and every feeling of sadness, madness & exhaustion disappears. Because my heart gets filled with love and joy. And right there and then i realize that i do the things that i do, not out of obligation, nor duty. With a blink of an eye, i have become the mother i never thought i could possibly be...the one who learns, loves, and gives, and asks for nothing in return. This, afterall, is what being mommy is all about - it is a learning experience, love beyond measure and imagination, overwhelming, extra-ordinary, and most of all, unconditional.

Just venting

Is it just me or does every other mom out there feel like their weekdays are just filled with never-ending to-do lists???? I try to get as organized as i possibly can to keep my sanity, for instance, last Thursday, I created this week's daily menu to avoid having to think about what to eat and what to serve every single day. I went grocery shopping over the weekend and checked off everything I need on my list.

Then Monday came, school started, and already, at 3.5 yrs old, wonder boy has homework! Ok, so it's not like math or science, but it's a "Me Doll" that needs to be turned in on Thursday or Friday! To top it off, tomorrow is a "cookie" social so he needs to bring, get this, ONE cookie!!!! So it's not like I'm going to go out of my way and bake my oh-so-special homemade chocolate chip cookies so that he can bring just ONE! But that only means that we have to stop off the supermarket before school so we can pick up his ONE cookie.

Oh yeah, and then, tomorrow evening, they're having an "ice cream social" for parents and teachers and classmates to get to know each other! wth???? isn't that what Back 2 School Nights are for? Don't get me wrong, I plan on being heavily involved with my children's education and activities, and maybe even one day, be brave enough (or crazy enough) to volunteer as a room parent, but c'mon, this is preschool AND this is just the first week of school! Can't we just adjust to all of this first?

. . .

Back 2 WORK!

My life, as I have known it, for the past 7 months or so, has abruptly changed! I am now back to work, started back last Friday. Why Friday? Because I wanted to get that work feeling over with and have my weekend to do my reality check, and get back to work a little bit easier by Monday. And it worked!

But the night before I came back, I was sad, and anxious, and just in disbelief! I've been off of work since the 3rd week of December, and returning the second time around (I left for the same amount of time when Lawrence was born) is even harder because now, I have two little needy boys to leave behind. It almost felt as if I was breaking up with my "home-maker" self, who, bakes muffins for breakfast, and who walks her kids to the park twice a week, and who really, truly enjoys just doing absolutely nothing but play little piggies with my babies!

And now this, work!

Friday came, and the weekend, and the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and now, I'm soooo glad to be back! lol! Besides my whole eye dilemma (I'll make a separate post for this), I can't believe how relaxed I am here, it's like being at a spa, away from the kids! Plus, I am loving my new and improved 9am - 1pm schedule. the day is going by so fast. And because i've been doing the same (boring) thing that I do, everything came back to me as if I never even left! I love work, and my coworkers aren't bad at all, they're like my second family. And as you can see, even with my shortened, part-time hours, I still have the time to blog, and surf, and shop, etc.

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A promise to blog

Ok so I decided to ditch my old blogsite as everytime I tried to start a new blog , I was not motivated enough to continue what I had started. I really really really need to keep up with the writing, not only for my own personal outlet, but I really really really need to start journaling my childrens milestones.